The Greatest Struggle of the American Pastor

    It was the Summer of 2001. I was 16 years old at the time, and had taken a mission trip to Reynosa, Mexico with my youth group. The one thing that I will always remember about that trip is when we visited one of the farming villages outside of the city. I had never seen such poverty. In fact, growing up in a middle class neighborhood in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, I had no idea that such poverty even existed. I saw large families piled into tiny, one room shacks with dirt floors and only bed sheets to cover their doorway and window openings. These shacks also had no running water or electricity, which meant that these families also had to endure the brutal Mexican Summers with no AC. 

    Our main purpose for going there was to host a worship service in a barn located at the center of the village. About two hours prior to the service our youth group walked around the village and handed out fliers to the residents, inviting them to the service. Admittedly, I thought that this would be an exercise in futility. In my heart I laughingly thought, "Who's going to show up to a barn in the heat of the Summer to hear preaching on such short notice?" However, I was in for a shock. It seemed as if the whole village showed up. All of them had walked, many of them were barefoot. The barn was packed with women and children sitting on hay bales and hard bench seats. The men would not come in (I think it was a cultural/pride thing but I'm honestly not sure) but they did stand at the barn door and listen. I couldn't understand a word of this Spanish worship service, but the preaching was passionate and the singing was incredible. It was clear that everyone was happy to be there. There was no special singing group or big name evangelist. There were no padded seats, AC, stage lighting or effects. There were no gimmicks, door prizes or fellowship meal. There was only Bible preaching and singing. It was a very humbling thing to be a part of. 

    Fast forward to 2021. I am now 36 years old and have been a pastor for over thirteen years. The Lord has given me some amazing opportunities that I never dreamed of and didn't deserve (I'm just a Gump from West Alabama). On top of pastoring some wonderful churches, the Lord has allowed me to co-host a local FM gospel radio show that aired every weekday from 11-1. Our church also had an additional hour long radio broadcast on Sunday mornings at 9 AM. I've also had the privilege of doing some open air outreach at abortion clinics, college campuses, gay pride parades and other outside events. This led to a podcast that showcased videos from our outreaches. The total views and downloads from all of my online endeavors are well into six figures. I've also been able to write a book about finding my birth mother at the age of 27, as well as getting to lead her to Christ and baptizing her. I've preached at prisons and nursing homes, knocked on countless doors, handed out an insane amount of gospel tracts, prayed countless prayers for the lost, and for revival, etc. I am also currently pastoring a church in the heart of Mormon country Utah. (And yet I am constantly haunted by the knowledge that I am not doing nearly enough)

    So, why mention all of this? It's because even with all of these outreach opportunities, I have never again seen the amount of gospel enthusiasm and commitment that I saw on that scorching July day in the Mexico desert. If I could actually see the statistics of people that I have shared the gospel with, verses the number of people that have been saved, I'm afraid that the percentage would be shamefully abysmal. The same is true of people that I have invited to church, or to a special event. If I were to compare the number of church members that I have lost over the years with the ones that I have gained, I think that the numbers would be about even. This means that at best I am maintaining the status quo. If I am to be honest and make myself vulnerable, many times I feel like a failure. There has been many tears shed. There has also been countless nights of venting this feeling to my wife as we lie in bed. 

    This brings me to the crux of this blog; what is the greatest struggle of the American pastor? I believe that it can be summed up in four words; the desire for validation. We want to know that what we are doing is working, and that our efforts matter. Salesmen enjoy good numbers on their sales reports. Mechanics get a feeling of satisfaction when they bring a broken down car back to life. Doctors must experience a sense of euphoria when they save a life or bring sick people back to health. Carpenters feel accomplished when they admire the work of their hands. Some of the most hard working, intelligent, faithful, educated, honorable men that I know are pastors. They would have been successful at anything they chose to do, and yet they struggle in the ministry. In fact, I know quite a few men that left a lucrative career in order to be obedient to their calling. How are they to find any validation in what they are doing? 

    Is it possible to measure "success" in the ministry? I believe that it is, although I believe that many times the reason that we get so discouraged is because we have a different measuring stick than God does. If someone were to Google the word "success", they would find 3,270,000,000 results in 0.95 seconds (I know because I just did it). There is a countless list of books, videos and online seminars about success. However, it may surprise the reader to know that the word "success" is only found one time in the Bible.  Moses has just died, and the Lord reveals Himself unto Joshua in order to transfer His authority unto him. As Joshua gets ready to lead the people across the Jordan River, the Lord gives him this advice, "This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success." Joshua 1:8. The Lord says here that He measures success by the amount of obedience to His Word. Joshua and the children of Israel fought plenty of battles and had their share of failures, but that wasn't the point. 

    When we think about the ministry of Isaiah, we love to talk about his response to God in chapter 6 and verse 8, where he says to God "Here am I; send me." There have been countless T-shirts and missions themes with this phrase on it. However, most people don't read the next few verses to see what God was sending him to. God essentially tells Isaiah that the people won't listen, they will completely ignore Isaiah's message, he will be hated and then God will have to judge them anyway. The people were living in a time of relative peace and prosperity and cared very little for the things of God. To my knowledge, Isaiah never had a single convert. Jewish tradition says that Isaiah was killed by being sawn in two from his groin to his head. Who wants to sign up for that? Are we to say that the most renowned prophet in the OT was a failure? It depends on who we are asking. According to the results he was an utter failure, but according to God he was immensely successful. Christ Himself quoted Isaiah several times in the NT. 

    I believe that we also see this principle in the NT with the parable of the sower. In Mark 4:3, Jesus said, "Hearken; behold, there went out a sower to sow." The seed of course is the Word of God. It fell on four types of ground, which represent the human heart. Only one of the four represent someone who is actually saved and bearing fruit (I would be happy with that percentage these days). However, the truth in all of this is, that our only responsibility is to sow the seed, preach the gospel and leave the results up to God. We can't save one soul, change one heart or cause one person to do right. The best that we could ever do is get somebody's emotions or compliance, only God can get their heart. Our mission is this simple; a sower went forth to sow. We will make ourselves miserable by trying to play the part of the Holy Spirit in the lives of others.  

    The truth is that like Isaiah, we are living in a time of prosperity in America. People don't care about the things of God. If even a tenth of the people that I have shared that gospel with had the same enthusiasm as those poor villagers in Mexico, I would be in a never ending building program. The results aren't up to us, they are up to God. If we live and die by the results we will get a big head when things are going well, and get depressed when things are going badly. We will also be tempted to water down the gospel message and change our methods in order to attract carnal men and women. If we ever lose confidence in the message, we will change our methods. We must find our joy in the sowing, not in the reaping. Be encouraged pastors, keep studying, praying and preaching. God sees. Think about one day hearing those words "Well done thy good and faithful servant, enter thou in to the joy of the Lord." Let Him be our validation, or else self validation can become our idol. 

Dr. Seuss, Critical Race Theory, and the Coming Purge

 

    In 2004, Diana Duyser made headlines when she sold a ten year old, half eaten grilled cheese sandwich on EBAY for a whopping $28,000. How was she able to accomplish such a feat of salesmanship? She was convinced that the Virgin Mary's face could be seen in the grilled cheese sandwich. Duyser stated, "I would like all people to know that I do believe that this is the Virgin Mary Mother of God." Could she have been lying about what she believed? Sure, but that's beside the point. The fact is that she was able to convince someone else that the Virgin Mary was in and on this sandwich. Amazingly, sales of such things are much more common than one might think. The moral of the story is that a person can see whatever they want to see if they are looking hard enough for it. 

$28,000 Virgin Mary Sandwich

    Perhaps this is why Dr. Seuss' books were able to be read by millions of people for over seven decades before we finally figured out that Seuss was actually a Nazi propagandist and the grand wizard of the KKK. How could we have been so blind? At least in 2021 we are finally smart enough and woke enough to realize just how inherently racist Dr. Seuss' books really are. So it comes as no surprise that Dr. Seuss will no longer be recognized on Read Across America Day, and that half a dozen of his books are now being pulled from the shelves (see the list here; https://www.nj.com/entertainment/2021/03/dr-seuss-canceled-social-media-sounds-off-as-6-of-his-books-are-no-longer-being-published.html). 

    Seriously, what's going on? I think that the answers can be found in another book that isn't being pulled from the shelves, a book that has made the New York Times Best Seller list on two different occasions. The book that I am referring to is White Fragility; Why It's So Hard For White People to Talk About Racism, by Robin DiAngelo. DiAngelo is a diversity trainer and counselor. If her name sounds familiar it's because just recently one of her training webinars was released to the public in which she made this infamous statement to Coke employees, "To be less white is to be less oppressive, arrogant, less certain, less defenseless, less ignorant, more humble." (See story here; https://nypost.com/2021/02/23/coca-cola-diversity-training-urged-workers-to-be-less-white/)

Robin DiAngelo

    Diangelo is one of today's leading voices for Critical Race Theory and Intersectionality. The main theme of these two ideologies is that the world is divided into two categories, the oppressors and the oppressed. CRT obviously applies to race, but intersectionality highlights the intersection of these two categories. We hear them all of the time; LGBT vs. "homophobic", white vs. black, wealthy vs. poor, men vs. women, trans women vs. real women, etc. Our society has been saturated with CRT on every level for the last two decades and we are now seeing the fruit. This ideology is completely antithetical to Christianity and the Biblical Gospel because the oppressed are merely victims who have no need of repentance or forgiveness, while the oppressors are evil and are incapable of being granted forgiveness. When someone actually buys into CRT and Intersectionality, it becomes clear why our society seems to be in a race to the bottom. Tis better to be a victim than a villain. 

    So what does all of this have to do with Dr. Seuss? Well, everything. It's important to understand that CRT is a religious ideology. And in their religion, Seuss is an oppressor. But why? Before we get the answers from DiAngelo's book, I want to preface by mentioning another book that I read years ago by Dr. Walter Martin entitled, The Kingdom of the Cults. In this work Dr. Martin points out a language barrier in which religious cults will redefine well established words, or invent new ones in order to push their agenda. Make no mistake about it, White Fragility is a theology book for the woke religion. While there are many works on the subject, I am convinced that White Fragility is the KJV of CRT. And just like Dr. Martin warned, DiAngelo has completely redefined old words and invented new ones in order to push CRT. This is absolutely essential in understanding why Dr. Seuss is being attacked. Let's take a look at some of the terms in her book. 

White Fragility- This is the reaction of white people when they are confronted with the reality that they are racist. It is a form of "denial" and "bullying". It's purpose is to "maintain the white equilibrium in society." 

White Solidarity- When white people don't keep racism in the forefront of regular conversation. Apparently, if white people aren't talking about racism in the break room at work or at the dinner table at home, then this is a form of racism. 

White Flight- when white people flee the city to move to the suburbs in order to get away from black people. 

White Guilt- When white people finally come to terms with their racism and its negative consequences. However, according to DiAngelo, this can also be confused with righting the wrongs of past racism, and thus become an excuse for not making any further progression. Just because someone has white guilt does not cleanse them of their inherent racism. 

White Saviors- Even when white people treat black people with love and respect, this is actually a form of racism because it proves that white people feel superior to black people. DiAngelo specifically mentioned the movie "The Blind Side" as being racist because it portrays a wealthy white family saving a poor young black man from his rough uprbringing. 

Racism- isn't really limited to individual acts of discrimination based on race. Racism is a system in which all whites are "invested". Therefore all white people are inherently racist, this is not even up for discussion. Racism is essentially an unforgiveable sin. And because racism is so "complex", "fluid" and "constantly evolving", literally anything that white people do could be considered racist at any given time. Hence, the racist Dr. Seuss books that literally nobody had a problem with until now. 

White Supremacy- has very little to do with groups like the KKK and almost everything to do with white influence and power in society. DiAngelo specifically mentioned that most of the richest people in the world are white, the majority of Congress is white, most judges are white, most CEO's are white, etc. This is the modern definition of white supremacy, which pretty much means that if a person is successful and white, by default they are white supremacists. 

    The proponents of CRT and Intersectionality aren't about equality, they want control. Everything that they preach is about destroying the system. This is why it makes perfect sense that even a beloved children's author like Dr. Seuss would be in their cross hairs. He was a wealthy, white male who wrote books that drew people of all races together. Dr. Seuss books are considered by many to be a sacred part of their childhood. But not anymore, now it's racist, and if you like his books, then that makes you a racist. And you're so blind about your racism that you didn't even notice it until someone pointed it out. 

    In conclusion, it's important to point out that the system that CRT and Intersectionality seeks to destroy is the American Capitalist system, the nuclear family, and the church. Every political revolution must have a religious system as an ally. CRT is the religion of Marxism. They deem Dr. Seuss' books racist because they want them to be (hence the Virgin Mary grilled cheese sandwich). But it won't stop at Dr. Seuss. If society thinks that his books are bad, can you imagine what they want to do with the Bible? CRT isn't a religion of grace, it's a religion of guilt, shame and penance. Right now they are making disciples and identifying heretics. I will save them some trouble and confess my heresy because I wholeheartedly reject CRT. It is a hellish religion. The truth is that I didn't have to read White Fragility in order to know that I have a depraved heart apart from Jesus Christ. But because of His atoning sacrifice on the Cross, my sin debt has been cancelled. That’s the only cancel culture that we should be concerned with. Christians, we need to anchor ourselves in the truth of God's Word and the Gospel because a storm is coming.  

 

    

      

What Should We Do With The Ravis' of the World?

 

    The results of a four month long investigation into the sexual misconduct of renowned author and apologist, Ravi Zacharias, just dropped yesterday, and it's bad (read the report here). There's no sugar coating it. There is no defending the indefensible. Apparently, Ravi was involved in sexual misconduct for at least a decade, possibly more. This misconduct included sexting, the solicitation of prostitutes using ministry funds, and at least a manipulative form of sexual assault, if not worse. The most disturbing thing to me personally was that sometimes before engaging in sexual acts he would pray with his partner/victim and thank God for the opportunity. 

     The direct damage done to the victims is immeasurable. However, there is also a ripple effect of indirect damage that will negatively impact countless others. When a person does something horrendous like this it's like they have pulled the pin on a hand grenade and held on until it has exploded. It kills them and the shrapnel blast does the most damage to those closest to that person and works it's way out. For someone as prominent as Ravi this includes a lot people. Those closest to the blast would have to be his family. Sadly, it appears that due to his extensive travel, Ravi was able to keep his behavior a secret from his family. They are finding this information out along with the rest of the world. With Ravi dying of cancer in May of last year there is no way for them to even confront him about any of this. I can't imagine the devastation that they are experiencing right now. We need to pray for them, along with the victims. 

     The blast then reaches out to his supporters, those countless millions who were impacted by his ministry. This secret sin has now put a question mark on every book that he ever wrote, every speech given, every debate, lecture, sermon, article, tweet, radio broadcast, TV appearance, etc. We are now questioning everything. 

    Lastly, the blast goes out to the enemies of Christ. They aren't close enough to feel the shrapnel, but they hear the blast. Many are no doubt rejoicing in their heart (and some publicly) about this great stain upon the name of Christ. However, any fair assessment of the situation must judge Christianity by its teachings and not its adherents. Ravi was clearly disobeying God's Word in order to do such heinous things. But this leads us to the question that everyone is asking, was Ravi a deceived Christian, or a deceiver of Christians? Let's take a moment to analyze each of these possibilities.    

A Deceived Christian

    To be clear, it is possible for a saved person to fall, and unfortunately fall hard. There are several illustrations of this in Scripture. The most notable one that comes to mind is King David. The Bible says that he was a man after God's own heart, yet he committed adultery with Bathsheba and had her husband killed in order to cover it up. He had gotten so far away from the Lord that when the prophet Nathan told him a story about a rich shepherd stealing and killing the one sheep of a poor shepherd, he completely missed the fact that Nathan was talking about him. Nathan finally had to put a finger in his face and say "Thou art the man." David's broken and repentant response in Psalm 51 is the indicator a true child of God. 

    It is important to point out that a Christian can never lose their salvation. Anyone who believes that has a misunderstanding of the gospel. However, while a Christian can't lose their salvation, they can lose everything else. In David's case, he lost his firstborn son with Bathsheba. One of David's other sons, Absalom took his throne by force and tried to kill him. Even though Absalom would be killed and David restored to his throne, the sword never departed his house. And Ironically, his house would also experience sorrow of a sexual nature. One of David's other sons, Amnon, raped his half sister Tamar. The poetic part is that Ammon had tricked David into sending Tamar into his bedroom. David also never won a military battle after his adultery. The giant killer couldn't even get a victory over his own family, or his foreign foes. God promised to chasten his children (Hebrews 12:6), or as Charles Spurgeon said, "Christians can never sin cheaply." 

A Deceiver of Christians

    I John 2:19 warns believers about false converts, and even false teachers. It says, "They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not all of us." The confusing thing about this situation with Ravi is that he never recanted the faith or taught rank heresy. If he had, this discussion would be over. How could a man with such a gift for teaching the Word live such a double life and never break his stride? In attempting to answer this question I need to bring up another fallen hero, Joshua Harris. Harris became famous with his 1997 book I Kissed Dating Goodbye. In this book he encouraged young people to use their singleness to honor the Lord and wait for God to bring them the right spouse. He also gave great encouragement and tips for purity and courting. I thought that the content of the book was amazing. I had even put it on a list of books that I want my children to read when they become a teenager. I also thought it was great that he got to write the sequel to that book, when he found and married the love of his life. That's why I was shocked when in 2018, he disavowed and discontinued both of those books. When I read that news I looked at my wife and said, "I bet that he is about to spiral." Sure enough, a year later he recanted his faith completely and divorced his wife. Since then he has been seen at countless gay pride events and the like. 

    Joshua Harris' picture can be found in I John 2:19, but what does all of this have to do with Ravi? When I heard the news about Harris, I literally couldn't believe it. I was so impressed with his books that I just couldn't believe that he was a phony. So, I began to do some research into his life. Come to find out, he grew up in a large, conservative Christian, church going, homeschooling family. He wrote I kissed Dating Goodbye while in his early 20's. My conclusion is that Harris was both a student and product of his environment, a very good one in fact. However, outward reform can never make up for a lack of inward regeneration. Eventually, what's really on the inside will find its way out. 

    Could it be that Ravi was just a great student of his environment, and a victim of his own genius? Truth be told, the ministry was very lucrative for him. Or, was he a born again believer who made heinous choices? After reading the report, I personally struggle with the idea that someone could truly be saved and live such a double life for so long with seemingly no repentance. However, I don't think that anyone has the knowledge or authority to make that call with 100% certainty. The fortunate thing is that God does know and we can be sure that He will judge accordingly. At worst he is in hell, and at best nobody can be sure that he is in Heaven. What a horrible way to leave this world. What horrible thoughts and doubts to leave in the mind of your family. So, what can we learn from this situation?  

Examine Yourself

     II Corinthians 13:5 commands us to, "Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates?" So many people base their salvation on something that they did way back when. They are putting their faith in a prayer, baptism, good works or being a church member. But what is your relationship with God doing for you today? If our conduct doesn't match our confession, then something is wrong. Repentance isn't a one and done, it's a lifestyle. Have you truly been born again by the Spirit of God? Have you truly repented and put your faith in Jesus Christ to save you from the penalty and power of your sin? 

Don't Surround Yourself With "Yes" Men

    Allegations of sexual misconduct first came out in 2017 when Ravi was caught with pictures of a naked woman on his phone. He simply explained it away and nothing was ever done about it. Since that time, at least three victims came out against him, once again the situation was ignored. RZIM, Ravi's ministry organization, is complicit in every bit of this. They refused to hold their leader accountable because they thought that he could do no wrong. Either that, or at least some of them knew about his escapades and didn't have the guts to do anything about it. If RZIM has any decency they will dissolve and give their remaining funds to a ministry that still has some credibility. 

    Every Christian needs to belong to a local, Bible preaching church and be subject to its leaders. Every ministry needs to be out of a local church, operating under its umbrella. This is Biblical and it provides a big fat word that we don't use anymore, ACCOUNTABILITY. A church worth its salt would have nipped everything in the bud years ago. They would have disciplined and/or exposed Ravi. Someone that's too big for a local church is too big for their britches. No ministry organization or board of trustees can make up for a lack of accountability to the church. Surround yourself with people who love you enough to tell you the truth. 

If It Doesn't Look Innocent, Chances Are that It's Not

    Ravi struggled with chronic back pain. As a result he frequented massage therapists all over the world. In fact, he even owned a few massage parlors in Atlanta. My wife also struggles with chronic pain in her head, neck and back. Some nights I have to rub her back and neck with medicated lotion before she can even go to sleep, so I can sympathize. However, I can't understand a man, especially in the ministry that can go into a room alone with another woman, get naked (except for a towel) and let her rub him down. Sometimes Ravi would even have the therapist come alone to his hotel room. I'm not a smart man but I know what the term "compromising situation" means. This of course escalated into what we are reading about in the news today. He ended up paying rent and cash to some of his therapists in exchange for sex, using ministry funds to do so. Not to mention taking advantage of other therapists who wanted no part of it. He was able to do all of this in plain sight under the ruse of back pain that called for massage therapy. Anyone who thought it strange would have given him a pass due to the circumstances. But I am reminded of, "Abstain from all appearance of evil" I Thessalonians 5:22

Keep Your Priorities Straight

    It's no secret that Ravi was a sought after speaker. He had an insane travel schedule for most of his life, taking him all over the world. Much of that time his family was not with him. Personally, I am always leery of traveling evangelists that are never seen with their wife or children. More than once I have seen such men fall. As a full time Pastor, let me drop a bombshell, ministry isn't that important and neither are you. Tis a fool who attempts to save the whole world and lose his own family. Of course ministry is demanding. It takes work. But we have to be balanced. My kids know a lot of preachers, pastors and missionaries, but they only know one dad, that's me. The same is true of me being a husband to my wife. If my marriage fails, so does my ministry. Keep the home fires burning. 

Conclusion 

    In the end, situations like this are a real head scratcher. I don't have all of the answers and I don't know anyone that does. It's tragic, there is no way around that. No one wins in a situation like this. But it should serve as a wake up call that none of us are immune to such failure. So, what should we do with the Ravis' of the world? Make sure that we aren't one of them.  

 

 

A Southern Boy Moves West; Comparing Life in Alabama and Utah

    In April of 2020 my family and I moved from our home in Tuscaloosa, Alabama to the town of Logan, Utah in the Northeastern corner of the State. Although I'm sure that I have much more to learn about the culture and customs of in the Inter-Mountain West, I thought that I would mention some of the differences and similarities that I've learned so far between the IMW and the South in general. 

The People

    Like Alabama, the majority of Utahans are conservative, freedom loving Americans, and are big proponents of the 1st and 2nd Amendments. For the most part the people in Utah have been very friendly, much more so than my Southern stereotype had imagined. Many of them seem more than anxious to talk to someone with a Southern accent (although I wonder if they are secretly deducting IQ points as I talk). This conversation starter has allowed me to share the gospel with many people and for that I am thankful. 

    The people in the South, however, still seem to have a greater level of overall empathy towards their fellow man. Southern hospitality is a real thing, and although Alabama has its fair share of jerks and village idiots, people really do look out for one another. Southerners as a whole seem to be much more outgoing and gregarious than any other culture that I have been exposed to, so much so, that other cultures might find it offensive if they haven't been around it. This cultural contrast can also be offensive to Southerners who are exposed to other cultures who are not so outgoing and gregarious as they are

   

    The thing that I love the most is that in spite of all of the cultural differences, the Christians within these cultures are the same with very few exceptions. I feel at home and loved with my Christian brothers and sisters in both Utah and Alabama. As a Baptist pastor, that's a big deal. Unity in Christ transcends all cultural and ethnic barriers. 

Climate

    I don't think that the climate could be more different between the two States. For the most part, Alabama is hot and humid, while Utah is cold and relatively dry. I didn't have to live in Utah to realize that it's hot in Alabama, but now that I have that point of contrast I have been reminded that IT IS HOT. Living in Utah has shown me that we never really had winter in Alabama. We just had some cold snaps between Summer and Spring. This point was driven home when we recently traveled South to visit our friends and family for the Holidays. My son and I went deer hunting and were swatting mosquitos the size of hummingbirds. Needless to say, I don't miss them. 

    In contrast, Northern Utah is COLD. I have lost count of the single digit lows and sub-freezing highs that we have already had thus far. This Winter I have also seen more snow in two days than I've seen in the past two decades in Alabama. People get excited and go crazy if the weatherman so much as mentions the word "snow" in the South. Upon a prediction of snow, Alabamians will also raid the grocery stores and buy up all of the milk and bread (a phenomenon that I still don't fully understand). In Utah, the snow actually reaches the point of becoming a lamentable problem. I never thought in a million years that my to-do list would include shoveling snow out of the driveway or buying snow chains for our van. 

    Overall, my family and I enjoy the weather in Utah much better. We can always put on some more clothes or throw another log on the fire. But those hot and humid days in the South will have a person begging God for mercy. The summers are actually nice here in Utah. Not to mention the fact that all of our sinus and allergy problems went away within a few weeks of moving here, a problem that immediately returned during our holiday visit to the South. Just make sure that if you make a visit, that you remember to pack your Chapstick and lotion. 

My Son Wesley shoveling snow

Geography

        Alabama is a beautiful state. One will find the foothills of the Smoky Mountains to the North and the white sandy beaches of Gulf Shores to the South. However, the thing that I miss the most is all of the forests and trees. There is almost a nostalgia about them for someone who grows up hunting, camping and playing in the woods. I miss seeing all of the Oaks, Pines, Sweet Gums, Cypress, Maples, etc. This may be a strange analogy, but the trees are almost like a blanket. I literally can't sleep without a blanket. It doesn't matter how hot it is, I have to have one in order to cover up. The trees are like that cover because they surround you on all sides, literally everywhere you go. You don't really notice it until you are in the wide open West. I also imagine that it would be easy for someone who moves to Alabama from the West to feel a bit claustrophobic. 

Taken from 30 feet in a tree, hunting near Moundville, AL on the recent holiday visit. 

    Utah is also a beautiful state. To be honest, I think that where we live in the Cache Valley is one of the most beautiful places that I've ever seen. The valley is about 4,500 feet in elevation, with 6,000-10,000 foot peaks on all sides. It's breath taking, like something from a Thomas Kincaid painting. It's really hard to present it in a way that does it justice to those who have never been there. 

Sunrise in Cache Valley (courtesy of Cache Valley is Beautiful FB Group)

Religious Culture 

    We live in the heart of Mormon country. As a Baptist Pastor from the South, I had a stereotype in my mind about the huge Temples and large worship centers. However, in the Cache valley (among other places) the streets are numbered as a grid system. Once there are 400 people living within a certain area they build a Mormon church for those 400 people, and that church is considered their "ward". Our house is technically located in the 12th ward of the Mormon Church. In this way it's very similar to the number of local evangelical churches in the South. There are actually some places that I have been able to stand  and see three Mormon churches from that one spot. The local Mormon churches vastly outnumber the handful of Christian churches in the valley. 

A typical LDS Ward 

    

    For the most part, sharing the Gospel has been a very pleasant experience here in Utah. The Mormons seem to realize that there is a noticeable difference between what they believe and what we believe. Many of them have enough curiosity to listen and have a dialogue. In the South everyone seems to think that they are saved for one reason or another and it's hard to talk them out of it. Please pray for us as we try to reach the Mormons with the Gospel of Christ. 

Pray For Cache Valley 

 

    

 

Abortion; Empowerment for Women?

 

Introduction

    Without a doubt, abortion is one of the most passionately heated topics of our time. There has been much said about regulations such as term limits and methods of abortion, or whether or not Roe vs Wade should be overturned altogether. And even if abortion were to be outlawed, there is still the debate about whether or not there should be exceptions in the cases of rape or incest, which account for a total of 1.5% of all abortions according to the Guttmacher Institute. While all of those debates have their place, they are outside the scope of this discussion. 

    Abortion itself has become a staple in the feminist movement. Proponents claim that abortion is a means of empowering and liberating women, while any anti-abortion rhetoric or legislation is patriarchal and oppressive. However, the exact opposite is true. Choosing life is actually much more empowering and liberating for women than choosing abortion. Abortion robs women of their power, destroys little women in the womb, cheapens true bodily autonomy, and gives men an avenue by which to oppress women. This paper will focus on the empowerment that comes with choosing life and the bondage that comes with choosing abortion. 

Real Empowerment, Real Heroes

    It was the Spring of 1984 when Cheryl Heath secretly walked into a Florida medical clinic in order to get a pregnancy test. This teenaged girl was terrified because she was weeks late on her period, and being pregnant would be a fate worse than death at this point in her life. She had no real family support, no direction, and the potential father was no longer in her life. Unfortunately, her fears were confirmed. She was pregnant. 

    Cheryl could’ve had an abortion and avoided nine months of carrying a child, labor and delivery, and not least of all, telling her mother. However, she didn’t do that. She made the hard decision and chose life. Cheryl gave birth to a son in November of that same year. Her son was immediately taken out of the room at birth because Cheryl had given him up for a closed adoption. He had been adopted by a couple from Mississippi who could not conceive children on their own. The reason that I know this story is because I am the son and Cheryl is my mother. We were miraculously reunited in 2012, and despite the long distance we have a wonderful relationship. 

    Many abortion proponents would yawn at such a story because it doesn’t fit their narrative. According to them, the freedom to abort babies is “central to women’s empowerment” and one of the few “strategic life choices which are critical for people to live the lives they want” However, this mentality is the exact opposite of powerful and heroic. The headlines will praise the firefighter who risks his life by rushing into a burning building to save a helpless child, not the one who sits in the safety of the fire truck and lets them burn to death. The former shows real empowerment. Even the fear of sacrifice and death can’t deter the heroic firefighter. 

    On the other hand, wouldn’t it be asinine to praise the firefighter who fearfully sits in the truck, and then talk about his freedom of choice as empowerment? Truly empowered people don’t feel as if they have to take the easy way out. My mom is a real hero. She did the hard thing and gave me the gift of life. Not only that, through her sacrifice she was able to give a child to total strangers who at the time couldn't have children of their own. She also gave a husband to my wife and a father to our three children, not to mention the gift of their very existence. That’s real female empowerment.  

Reunion with Cheryl, March of 2012

Real Bondage, Real Slavery

     In a recent interview with The Guardian, famous Fleetwood Mac singer and abortion rights advocate, Stevie Nicks, talked about the early days of her career when she was dating Eagles singer, Don Henley. She became pregnant in 1979 and chose to have an abortion. This is what she had to say about that event, “If I had not had that abortion, I’m pretty sure there would have been no Fleetwood Mac. There’s just no way that I could have had a child then, working as hard as we worked constantly. And there were a lot of drugs, I was doing a lot of drugs … I would have had to walk away.” Earlier in this same interview she stated that “Abortion rights were my generation’s fight” The incredible irony in these statements is that Nicks is bragging about her empowerment, based on something that she couldn’t do. She openly admits that she could not raise a child because she was a slave to drugs, and to her career. This isn’t a story of empowerment, it’s an admission of weakness. The story would have been much more powerful and praise worthy if Nicks had gotten clean and been a mother to her child. What a story of empowerment that would have been. However, instead of taking a chance of sacrificing her career, she chose to sacrifice her child on the altar of her career. 

    Forty one years later, the glory days of Fleetwood Mac are long gone. In fact, it’s been almost two decades since they released a studio album. Now at age 72, Nicks lives alone and childless in her Santa Monica mansion, when she could be enjoying a house full of grandchildren. 

     The mistake that Nicks and the feminist movement make is that they equate empowerment with the ability to make a choice, instead of the moral fortitude to make the right choice. The renowned German philosopher, G.W.F. Hegel wrote extensively about this form of “empowerment”. He said, “The common man thinks that he is free when he is allowed to act arbitrarily, but this very arbitrariness implies that he is not free.” In other words, the truly empowered person doesn’t need permission or popular support in order to make their decisions. Their choices are based on internal convictions, rather than external circumstances. This is very telling, considering that the very essence of bondage is to be controlled by external circumstances. Yet, feminists have found a way to champion this bondage as a form of empowerment. Hegel went on to say, “A person who does something perverse gives the greatest prominence to his particularity. The rationale is the high road which everyone follows and no one stands out from the rest.” Put into modern terms, if the decisions that we make are dictated by immediate gratification and the easy way out, or if our movement is backed by the media, the vast majority of academia, and society as a whole, then we’re not the resistance. To walk down the smooth path in lockstep with popular opinion regardless of its morality, and then claim the empowerment status of a martyred rebel is the epitome of arrogance and hypocrisy. This is real bondage.

Real Oppression, Real Victims

    In 1939, Adolf Hitler authorized the T4 project, which allowed German physicians to legally exterminate Jews, mallatos, those with mental handicaps and anyone else that they deemed as  “life unworthy of living”  In similar fashion, blacks in the United States were once viewed as sub-human. Sadly, at one time it was official U.S. policy that blacks were only ⅗ human and were treated as such. In order to give slave owners a tax break, “Congress settled upon a formula that prefigured the Three-Fifths Compromise both in the ratio of 5 to 3 and by substituting the anodyne “other persons” for “slaves.” All of these atrocities were committed legally and with the blessing of the majority of society because the targeted groups were viewed as less than human. Fortunately, there were people in both instances that rose up against the law of the land and the status quo in order to challenge these inhumane policies. They are heros. 

    We currently find ourselves in a similar situation, both in the U.S. and abroad. There is an enormous percentage of the population who are being murdered in the womb, both legally and with the blessing of much of society because they are viewed as less than human. That this is a reality is even admitted by feminists like Dr. Sally Markowitz, “I am proposing that feminists override the fetus's right by the right of women to live in a sexually egalitarian society? This is a difficult position for feminists but not an impossible one, especially for feminists with utilitarian leanings” With this statement, Markowitz warns pro-abortion advocates that use oppression by men as a reason for supporting abortion, to be ready for pro-life advocates to use the same argument about babies being oppressed in the womb. Her only solution to the problem, to state that women’s rights are more important than baby’s rights. She goes on to say,  “it may not make sense to count fetuses as an oppressed group. A disadvantaged one, perhaps.” I would say that being dismembered and sucked out of your mother’s womb and thrown into a dumpster is pretty oppressive. 

    The point here absolutely cannot be missed. Just like Hitler authorizing the killing of those that fell short of his master race, and just like slave owners in America mistreating and murdering their ⅗ human slaves, the pro-abortion crowd kills babies in the womb because they are treated as sub-human. The Nazi’s were viewed as more important than the Jews, the slave owners more important than their slaves, and now adult women are deemed more important than their babies. History is repeating itself and according to the Guttmacher institute, over sixty million babies have been aborted in the U.S. alone since 1973. The cry for women’s rights completely ignores the rights of the little women in the womb who have their own distinct DNA, as well as their own heartbeat. This is real oppression.

Real Power, Real Influence

    The feminist movement has become so radical about women’s liberation and abortion rights that it has decreed that mothers are slaves and need to be “freed from the servitude of motherhood” This line of thinking is a relatively new phenomenon, less than two centuries old. According to the Encyclopedia of Motherhood, “during the 19th and 20th centuries, feminist movements have strongly reclaimed the right to freely decide about one’s body, especially concerning access to abortion.” This is in direct contrast with all of prior history. According to Dr. John Byron, it was a travesty to be a barren woman in the ancient world. He writes, “So often the situation is not appreciated for the potential disaster that hung over a childless woman. Without a child of her own, the status of a wife in antiquity was ambiguous.” This is because children were celebrated in the ancient world, and throughout history. It’s also the result of women realizing where their power comes from. 

    It’s unthinkable that the feminist movement has become so radical that in trying to keep up with men, that they have forsaken and demonized literally the only thing that women can do, that men can’t, bringing life into the world. In all of human history, there has never been a single man that has given birth to a child. What greater place of power and influence could there be? There has never been a king, president, doctor or anyone else that didn’t have a mother who brought them into this world. 

    It would have been unthinkable even two hundred years ago for a woman to hire someone to murder their children in the womb for the purposes of independence, career or anything else. So either today's feminists have it completely wrong, or they are literally the only ones in history to get it right. I’m going with the former. Only the modern feminists would celebrate a woman for working forty plus hours a week for an employer, and yet criticize that same woman for choosing to have children, and opting to raise them and serve her husband instead. 

    Another reason that motherhood has been overwhelmingly celebrated down through the centuries is that throughout history it was just expected and assumed that the children would grow up and take care of their elderly parents. This was especially true in the case of a widowed mother.  Here in America, we have been somewhat shielded from this way of thinking over the past seventy five years or so. Many have bought into the nursing home mentality. However, one thing is for sure, elderly women don’t sit around the bridge table at the nursing home and brag about all of their aborted children that won’t be coming to visit them. That’s because motherhood is real power and influence. 

Real Independence, Real Autonomy

    In 2016, my wife and I lost our baby at twenty five weeks. She had to sign papers that would give the doctors permission to induce labor and “terminate the pregnancy”. It was so difficult for my wife to sign the papers after reading those words. Even though the baby was deceased, it went against every God-given maternal instinct that she had. In the end she tearfully signed, and after eighteen hours of labor she gave birth to a stillborn girl. The nurses took the baby out of the room in order to clean her up, and later rolled her back in on a bassinet just like they would do for a healthy baby. They had also put a little pink dress on her. My wife held our lifeless child and loved her no less than if she had been born alive. It’s one of the hardest things that we have ever had to go through. Needless to say, that abortion is a crime against nature. If it hurts that badly to lose a child, I can’t imagine how overwhelming it would be to know that I was the one responsible. 

    So what would put a woman in a position to even have to make such a decision as aborting her own offspring? Although many reasons could be listed, one of the main ones is men. Many times men have a huge impact on whether or not a woman aborts her baby. “They exert their influence by withholding support, denying paternity, threatening or committing violence, or abandoning the woman.” And, according to Emily Freeman, “men’s denial of paternity or discontinuation of the relationship becomes a catalyst for what was to follow [in reference to abortion].” 

    I have experienced this very thing first hand during my time as a sidewalk counselor at two different abortion clinics. I have personally seen young men grab their tearful girlfriends by the arm and all but drag them into the abortion clinic. I’ve also seen fathers and grandfathers doing the same thing with their young daughters and granddaughters. There have also been many women tell me that they would keep their baby but their partner would not support it, and would leave them if they didn’t have an abortion. 

    This brings up a major point in the abortion debate that the feminist crowd has absolutely hijacked, a woman’s bodily autonomy. This is really the battle cry of abortion rights today. However, the ironic thing that has to be pointed out is that if a woman really had power over her body, she would never be in such a position in the first place. In many cases, women are treated as sex objects and exploited by men, who do not even care enough about them to support them and help raise their child. Instead of being able to say “no” to the man, she says “no” to the voiceless child, which in many cases is just saying “yes” to the man twice whether she wants to or not. This isn’t empowerment, and it isn’t bodily autonomy. The only bodily autonomy that is violated in abortion is the preborn child’s. This is why it’s so outlandish that feminists like Markowitz claim that “Anti-abortion policies promote oppression by men”, when the exact opposite is true. Abortion actually gives men another avenue by which to legally oppress women.

Conclusion

    Contrary to the feminist narrative, abortion rights in no way empower or liberate women. In fact, abortion harms women, destroys little women in the womb, cheapens bodily autonomy and gives men another avenue by which to oppress women. Make no mistake, abortion isn’t about a choice, it’s about avoiding the consequences of a choice at the expense of the innocent. I can’t think of anything that’s less empowering than that. 

Bibliography

 Berenbaum, Michael. “T4 Program”, The Encyclopedia Britannica, September 10, 2018

  https://www.britannica.com/event/T4-Program

Byron, John. 2010. “Childlessness and Ambiguity in the Ancient World.” Proceedings 30: 5.

De Beauvoir, Simone., The Second Sex (New York: Vintage Books, a division of Random House Inc. 1949)

Freeman, Emily, Ernestina Coast, and Susan F. Murray. 2017. “Men’s Roles in Women’s Abortion Trajectories in Urban Zambia.” International Perspectives on Sexual & Reproductive Health 43 (2)

 

Hegel, G.W.F. Elements of the Philosophy of Right (Cambridge University Press, 1991)

Kabeer, Naila. “Resources, Agency, Achievements: Reflections on the Measurement of Women’s Empowerment.” Development and Change 30, no. 2 (Winter 1999)

Kaye, DK. “Community perceptions and experiences of domestic violence and induced abortion in Wakiso district, Uganda”, Qualitative Health Research, 2006, 16 (8)

Lewis, Jan Ellen.. 2017. “What Happened to the Three-Fifths Clause.” Journal of the Early Republic 37 (1)

Markowitz, Sally. “Abortion and Feminism.” Social Theory and Practice, (Spring of 1990) vol. 1, no. 16

McReynolds-Perez, Julia. “Abortion as Empowerment: Reproductive Rights Activism in a Legally Restricted Context.” BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth 17, no. 2 (Spring 2017)

O'Reilly, Andrea.. Encyclopedia of Motherhood Volume 1 (Thousand Oaks, Calif: SAGE Publications, Inc, 2010)

Stevens, Jenny. “Stevie Nicks On Art, Ageing and Attraction”, The Guardian, October 14, 2020 https://www.theguardian.com/music/2020/oct/14/stevie-nicks-on-art-ageing-and-attraction-botox-makes-it-look-like-youre-in-a-satanic-cult

Why Isaiah's Prophecy is Relevant To Us Today

    It was the year 742 B.C. The Northern Kingdom of Israel (Ephraim) has formed an alliance with their enemies, the Syrians, in hopes of conquering the Southern Kingdom of Judah and taking control of Jerusalem. Although their initial attacks fail, they know that victory is just around the corner. 

   Gone are the days when King Uzziah ruled Judah with strength and integrity. His grandson, Ahaz, now sits upon the throne. Unlike Uzziah, Ahaz is a weak, sinful king who has no desire for the things of God. Ahaz is so terrified of Ephraim and Syria that he forms an alliance with the wicked Assyrians in an attempt to secure protection. 

   It was during this attempted siege that God sent Isaiah and his son Shearjashub ("a remnant shall return") to prophecy unto Ahaz. Earthly speaking, Isaiah had very little good to say to the king. The Word from the Lord was that although Judah would survive this onslaught from Ephraim and Syria, that they would eventually be destroyed by their current allies, the Assyrians. In fact, all of these Kingdoms would be destroyed within 65 years. 

    This scene gives us the backdrop for Isaiah's famous prophecy of the birth of Christ in 7:14, "Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign; Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel." The name Immanuel means "God with us." That this verse is referring to the birth of Christ is without dispute. Matthew gives his own commentary on the matter in 1:22-23, as the angel is speaking to Joseph in a dream concerning Mary, "Now all this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet saying, Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring for a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us."

    So how could this possibly be good news to Ahaz, knowing that the kingdom of Judah would eventually fall to the Assyrians? The message from Isaiah was simple, Judgment is coming, but so is the King and the Kingdom. This is why Isaiah 7:14 is still so relevant to us today. We know that judgment is coming. We see this in our own country, America. This is why we can never look to the kingdoms of this world for satisfaction. Judgment is coming, but so is Christ. Ahaz would have recognized this as good news if he wasn't so concerned about his earthly throne. 

    Isaiah's language gets even stronger in 9:6-7, "For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and peace there shall be no end, upon the throne of David, and upon his kingdom, to order it, and to establish it with judgment and with justice henceforth even for ever." This is a clear reference to Christ's Kingdom upon the earth, where He will rule and reign in perfect peace. No one will vote Him out, defeat Him, or scare Him into resigning. There will be no media propaganda to slander Him, nor any other branches of government that He will have to answer to. He will reign in supreme righteousness and justice. 

    We can be sure that if Christ came the first time of a virgin like like Isaiah prophesied, then He will come back a second time just like He promised. This world will never be our home. This is why we must put our hope in the coming King, and coming Kingdom. Judgment is coming, but so is the King. Are you ready? 

    

        

What I've Learned Through My Wife's Chronic Pain

Cedar-Sinai, Los Angeles

        On March 19th, 2007, my wife and I found ourselves face to face, reciting our wedding vows to one another. The vows were typical of what one might expect to hear at a wedding. However, there is one line that has now become an everyday mantra for me, the part where I said "in sickness and in health." It really didn't seem like that big of a commitment at the age of 22 when I uttered those words to my 19 year old bride. But that would all change. 

    April the 14th, 2019 was homecoming at the church that I had Pastored for close to seven years at the time. It was a great day. The church service was wonderful. We had a fantastic gospel trio singing for us, and not to mention the fact that the food and fellowship was out of this world. However, during the day my wife Leah developed a headache. So that night she took some Advil and went bed early. We didn't think a whole lot about it. When someone gets a headache, they take some medicine and sleep it off. Who hasn't had to do that at some point in time? Little did we know how this headache would change our lives forever. 

    Over the next few days her headache only intensified. On Friday of that week I took her to the local hospital in our hometown of Tuscaloosa, Alabama. They admitted her and over the next few days treated her for migraines, but to no avail. She was then transferred to UAB in Birmingham. After several days of testing they confirmed that she had a CSF spinal fluid leak, which was causing brain sag. This diagnosis was the beginning of a nine month journey that took us all over the country seeking help.

    Our first stop was Los Angeles, where after several weeks of testing and procedures they were able to seal the CSF leak. However, her pain was the same. The doctor concluded that when her brain was in that sagging position, it had caused a storm in her brain, "migraine brain" he called it. This took us to the Mayo clinic in Florida, where the doctor was unable to help. In January of 2020 he had her transferred to an inpatient head pain clinic in Ann Arbor Michigan. For the next two weeks they threw everything at her headache, but nothing touched it. Four days before we were scheduled to be released, the doctor called us into his office and I'll never forget what he said. He apologetically told us that the CSF leak had caused a secondary condition known as NDPH (New Daily Persistent Headache). He told us that it's incurable and may or may not go away on it's own. He instructed my wife to "think happy thoughts, surround herself with positive people", then he looked at me and said, "and don't ever let her be alone." It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what he meant. We reluctantly packed up our things and left. All of the flights were booked up so we rented a car and began the 900 mile drive to Alabama. That was the longest ride ever.  

    For those who have never experienced chronic pain in a loved one, I'm not sure that I can accurately explain how drastically it affected our lives. My wife went from being super active, to almost completely bed ridden. She went from being with me in church all of the time, to hardly ever being able to get out of the house. She was an involved homeschooling mother to our three children, until it just became too much. I lost count of the times that I was awakened in the middle of the night from her shaking the bed while weeping and writhing in pain. There were many nights that I would get up and rub icy hot on her neck and back, or walk to the deep freezer to get another ice pack for her head. My efforts seemed so petty and powerless to give her the relief that she needed. 

    However, the silver lining that came a few months after the Michigan diagnosis, is that through divine providence we learned that one of her main migraine triggers is the high humidity in the South. The Lord also opened a door for me to Pastor a wonderful church in the mountain desert of Northern Utah where it's much drier. To be clear, even after the move she has never been pain free. But most of the time she stays under the migraine pain level and has been able to be more active than she was in Alabama. Everyday is still a battle, how big the battle is depends on how she is feeling that day. While we know some of her triggers, some days are still a mystery as to why she feels so bad. 

Enjoying the Snow in Salt Lake City 

    My wife has now had a chronic headache (singular) for a year and eight months. I think that this whole situation has changed us more than we even know, and I wanted to briefly share some things that we have learned.  

    God's Grace is Sufficient- It's so much more than a cliché. When you go to bed at night completely maxed out (her from the pain, and me from the added responsibilities), feeling like you literally can't do this another day, and yet the next day you wake up refreshed and ready to face the day, then and only then will you know what sufficient grace means. God's sufficient grace is like the widow's cruise of oil. It never ran out, and it gave them their daily supply without excess. 

    God's People Are The Best- The expenses that we acquired during the nine months of Leah's medical trips were astronomical, more than I make in a year's time as a Pastor. However, God's people gave and gave and gave, when I never asked for a dime. There were total strangers and churches that I have never heard of that sent us money. At one time I know that I had mailed out over a hundred thank you cards and I'm sure that I missed some. Not to mention those that let us stay in their house, or gave us a ride to the airport, or ran errands for us, etc. It's one of the most humbling things that I have experienced and I'll go to my grave being grateful for what those people did for us (I'm literally weeping as I type). We didn't owe anything after it was all said and done. 

    Even Well Meaning People May Not Understand- I used to be harsh in my judgment of certain people and their health conditions. I kind of had the mentality that most people don't get better because they don't want to, or maybe they are a hypochondriac. I sort of felt that same judgment from people whenever they would see Leah on one of her rare outings, or if she took a minute to smile for a picture that went on Facebook. The truth is that when a person has chronic pain that never gets better with rest or medicine, your life begins to take on new meaning and goals. If you are going to hurt all of time anyway, the question then becomes, how can I live my life as normally as possible and not end up dead or in the hospital. I definitely have more compassion for others than I did before this happened. 

    God is Sovereign- Someone once said that we make plans and God laughs, or as Proverbs 16:9 puts it, "A man's heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps." We were content in the place where we had grown up and had built a network of family, friends and business relationships. I was also happy at the church that I was pastoring, less than two miles from the house where I grew up. We had been through a lot together as pastor and church and had built a great relationship. I had even made the statement from the pulpit that if God wanted me to leave, he would have to drag me out kicking and screaming. He evidently took me up on the challenge. In all honesty though, I have learned that God is in control, Romans 8:28 is still true, and I don't want God to change His Holy mind. There is no more comforting truth in the universe than knowing that He is in control of all things.

     My Wife and I Are Both Idolaters- It's not a typo, you read that right. There is a reason that John closed out his first letter with "Little children, keep yourselves from idols." This has been the biggest struggle that my wife and I have had to come to grips with. I don't think that I could've even typed these words a month ago, but the Lord is setting us free of some things. On Leah's end, she has had to lay down the idol of her health. There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel good and live a "normal" life, but with it being out of reach it can become all consuming, especially at the age of 33.  She has had to come to the place where everyday she worships God in spite of the pain, instead of the result of miraculous healing. 

    On my end, I've had to lay down the idol of the "perfect marriage" and an ideal life. When I promised both Leah and God that I would love her in sickness and in health, I meant it with all of my heart but I didn't really believe that I would be called to active duty in my 30's. Her head issues have caused me to move my family almost 2,000 miles away from family and friends that I know and love, take up the slack with house work, errands, chores, homeschooling three kids, etc. The truth is that by God's grace I've been able to handle most of it. However, the dark and honest part of that is I haven't always done it with a good attitude. In fact, my attitude has been down right sorry more than I care to admit. It's been more of a duty to God and wife than a joy at times. But the Lord set me free from that and I'm writing now with full joy in knowing that by serving my wife and family, that I am serving Christ. I'm also thankful and blessed to have a wife that is willing to serve God through the pain, and by God's grace I plan to serve Him through the pressure.