The Greatest Struggle of the American Pastor

    It was the Summer of 2001. I was 16 years old at the time, and had taken a mission trip to Reynosa, Mexico with my youth group. The one thing that I will always remember about that trip is when we visited one of the farming villages outside of the city. I had never seen such poverty. In fact, growing up in a middle class neighborhood in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, I had no idea that such poverty even existed. I saw large families piled into tiny, one room shacks with dirt floors and only bed sheets to cover their doorway and window openings. These shacks also had no running water or electricity, which meant that these families also had to endure the brutal Mexican Summers with no AC. 

    Our main purpose for going there was to host a worship service in a barn located at the center of the village. About two hours prior to the service our youth group walked around the village and handed out fliers to the residents, inviting them to the service. Admittedly, I thought that this would be an exercise in futility. In my heart I laughingly thought, "Who's going to show up to a barn in the heat of the Summer to hear preaching on such short notice?" However, I was in for a shock. It seemed as if the whole village showed up. All of them had walked, many of them were barefoot. The barn was packed with women and children sitting on hay bales and hard bench seats. The men would not come in (I think it was a cultural/pride thing but I'm honestly not sure) but they did stand at the barn door and listen. I couldn't understand a word of this Spanish worship service, but the preaching was passionate and the singing was incredible. It was clear that everyone was happy to be there. There was no special singing group or big name evangelist. There were no padded seats, AC, stage lighting or effects. There were no gimmicks, door prizes or fellowship meal. There was only Bible preaching and singing. It was a very humbling thing to be a part of. 

    Fast forward to 2021. I am now 36 years old and have been a pastor for over thirteen years. The Lord has given me some amazing opportunities that I never dreamed of and didn't deserve (I'm just a Gump from West Alabama). On top of pastoring some wonderful churches, the Lord has allowed me to co-host a local FM gospel radio show that aired every weekday from 11-1. Our church also had an additional hour long radio broadcast on Sunday mornings at 9 AM. I've also had the privilege of doing some open air outreach at abortion clinics, college campuses, gay pride parades and other outside events. This led to a podcast that showcased videos from our outreaches. The total views and downloads from all of my online endeavors are well into six figures. I've also been able to write a book about finding my birth mother at the age of 27, as well as getting to lead her to Christ and baptizing her. I've preached at prisons and nursing homes, knocked on countless doors, handed out an insane amount of gospel tracts, prayed countless prayers for the lost, and for revival, etc. I am also currently pastoring a church in the heart of Mormon country Utah. (And yet I am constantly haunted by the knowledge that I am not doing nearly enough)

    So, why mention all of this? It's because even with all of these outreach opportunities, I have never again seen the amount of gospel enthusiasm and commitment that I saw on that scorching July day in the Mexico desert. If I could actually see the statistics of people that I have shared the gospel with, verses the number of people that have been saved, I'm afraid that the percentage would be shamefully abysmal. The same is true of people that I have invited to church, or to a special event. If I were to compare the number of church members that I have lost over the years with the ones that I have gained, I think that the numbers would be about even. This means that at best I am maintaining the status quo. If I am to be honest and make myself vulnerable, many times I feel like a failure. There has been many tears shed. There has also been countless nights of venting this feeling to my wife as we lie in bed. 

    This brings me to the crux of this blog; what is the greatest struggle of the American pastor? I believe that it can be summed up in four words; the desire for validation. We want to know that what we are doing is working, and that our efforts matter. Salesmen enjoy good numbers on their sales reports. Mechanics get a feeling of satisfaction when they bring a broken down car back to life. Doctors must experience a sense of euphoria when they save a life or bring sick people back to health. Carpenters feel accomplished when they admire the work of their hands. Some of the most hard working, intelligent, faithful, educated, honorable men that I know are pastors. They would have been successful at anything they chose to do, and yet they struggle in the ministry. In fact, I know quite a few men that left a lucrative career in order to be obedient to their calling. How are they to find any validation in what they are doing? 

    Is it possible to measure "success" in the ministry? I believe that it is, although I believe that many times the reason that we get so discouraged is because we have a different measuring stick than God does. If someone were to Google the word "success", they would find 3,270,000,000 results in 0.95 seconds (I know because I just did it). There is a countless list of books, videos and online seminars about success. However, it may surprise the reader to know that the word "success" is only found one time in the Bible.  Moses has just died, and the Lord reveals Himself unto Joshua in order to transfer His authority unto him. As Joshua gets ready to lead the people across the Jordan River, the Lord gives him this advice, "This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success." Joshua 1:8. The Lord says here that He measures success by the amount of obedience to His Word. Joshua and the children of Israel fought plenty of battles and had their share of failures, but that wasn't the point. 

    When we think about the ministry of Isaiah, we love to talk about his response to God in chapter 6 and verse 8, where he says to God "Here am I; send me." There have been countless T-shirts and missions themes with this phrase on it. However, most people don't read the next few verses to see what God was sending him to. God essentially tells Isaiah that the people won't listen, they will completely ignore Isaiah's message, he will be hated and then God will have to judge them anyway. The people were living in a time of relative peace and prosperity and cared very little for the things of God. To my knowledge, Isaiah never had a single convert. Jewish tradition says that Isaiah was killed by being sawn in two from his groin to his head. Who wants to sign up for that? Are we to say that the most renowned prophet in the OT was a failure? It depends on who we are asking. According to the results he was an utter failure, but according to God he was immensely successful. Christ Himself quoted Isaiah several times in the NT. 

    I believe that we also see this principle in the NT with the parable of the sower. In Mark 4:3, Jesus said, "Hearken; behold, there went out a sower to sow." The seed of course is the Word of God. It fell on four types of ground, which represent the human heart. Only one of the four represent someone who is actually saved and bearing fruit (I would be happy with that percentage these days). However, the truth in all of this is, that our only responsibility is to sow the seed, preach the gospel and leave the results up to God. We can't save one soul, change one heart or cause one person to do right. The best that we could ever do is get somebody's emotions or compliance, only God can get their heart. Our mission is this simple; a sower went forth to sow. We will make ourselves miserable by trying to play the part of the Holy Spirit in the lives of others.  

    The truth is that like Isaiah, we are living in a time of prosperity in America. People don't care about the things of God. If even a tenth of the people that I have shared that gospel with had the same enthusiasm as those poor villagers in Mexico, I would be in a never ending building program. The results aren't up to us, they are up to God. If we live and die by the results we will get a big head when things are going well, and get depressed when things are going badly. We will also be tempted to water down the gospel message and change our methods in order to attract carnal men and women. If we ever lose confidence in the message, we will change our methods. We must find our joy in the sowing, not in the reaping. Be encouraged pastors, keep studying, praying and preaching. God sees. Think about one day hearing those words "Well done thy good and faithful servant, enter thou in to the joy of the Lord." Let Him be our validation, or else self validation can become our idol.